tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68714882952257746452024-03-05T12:47:31.399-05:00Harberette[an attempt]Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-68206924698861031282009-12-17T21:29:00.000-05:002009-12-17T21:30:43.487-05:00I'm sorry about this but...I’m having a really hard time. and I’m constantly on the verge of tears. and everything EVERYTHING hurts. I hate being sick, I hate being broken, I hate being fragile useless meaningless burdensome shit. But that is what I am and IT IS KILLING ME! <br /><br />My body is broken and it’s failing me and it HATES me and there’s not a god damn mother fucking thing I can do about it. My doctors don’t understand me, and there’s nothing they can do, and God knows they are trying. But, seriously, what the hell!?<br /><br />Why me? Why is it ALWAYS me?!Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-6088408218075798292009-11-03T14:15:00.000-05:002009-11-03T14:16:08.221-05:00P.S.I live for blog comments.<div><br /></div><div>Get to work on that, kids. </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-35698863771944603692009-11-03T13:24:00.002-05:002009-11-03T13:30:09.092-05:00New BeginningMore writing, which will possibly be more terrible than ever. I've lost all inspiration, and I'm fairly certain it all started with an insult. <div><br /></div><div>ONE person disliked my writing, over a year ago, and now I feel crippled. It rests more on WHO it was rather than WHAT they said. The man I love disliked my writing to the point that I took it as an insult. I know he didn't mean it, but he immediately and harshly critiqued my craft. </div><div><br /></div><div>All I wanted was to share with him something I was proud of...</div><div><br /></div><div>Never doing that again, I assure you. </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-4398994772475317452009-05-02T13:05:00.003-04:002009-05-02T13:12:48.227-04:00Creative StruggleFirst and foremost: Sorry, Krumbine. I promised you I'd be posting a snippet of a potential novel, but that just isn't going to happen. I went back and read over what I had feverishly scribbled down and noticed something very distinct about it. It's a huge piece of crap. <div><br /></div><div>Yes. My writing, for far too long now, has been just terrible. I can't write anything creatively as of late, and it's becoming a really painful struggle. I love writing. I love putting pen to paper and just seeing what happens. The problem lately is that when I write, while I'm writing, I think what I'm writing is genius, unheard of magnificence. A day later when I go back to re-read what I've written I come to the startling realization that what I wrote is horrible, terrible, should-never-see-the-light-of-day crap. </div><div><br /></div><div>The weird thing about this is that other parts of my creativity are flourishing. I love my paintings and drawings lately, which never ever happens. I've been getting video ideas [though I tend to either be too lazy, or not have the resources to produce said videos]. I feel creatively charged, but my writing is suffering. It's not as organic as it used to be, but everything that wasn't is now. </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, on a completely separate note entirely, I'm thinking of getting into freelance make-up artistry. I used to always want to be a makeup artist, but I never really pursued it. However, I am in desperate need of money and figured I might as well give it a try. The only problem is I need teh makeup products. Consequence of being poor is that I cannot afford them. Alas, thwarted again by the stupid economy. </div><div><br /></div><div>Right. So. How are you? </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-63233325855162633882009-04-21T11:22:00.004-04:002009-04-21T11:26:56.293-04:00Word up, yo...Also, the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;">word of the day</span></span>: <div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Ineluctable</span></span></span> [adj.], meaning<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">'</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">impossible to avoid or evade.'</span></span></span></span></span></div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-90676403978696509212009-04-21T11:14:00.002-04:002009-04-21T11:19:56.997-04:00UninspirationI am so fed up with not feeling inspired. I used to write like a madman. The words would just flow out of me, and it was so incredibly organic to just put pen to paper and see what happened. Now, though, it feels like such a struggle for me to create...anything. I always feel like something is blocking me. Like, the worst kind of writers block. I can't see my mind clearly, and I can't feel my feelings well enough to put them into words. I'm an inarticulate mess when I speak, but writing has always been natural. My fingers can type faster than I can speak and fast enough to just flow with my mind, and you can't edit the words you say. Once you say something, it's out there. It's in the mix. But when you write something down, you can cross out and go over and rewrite and reconfigure anything you want. Most creative processes work that way. I've been painting a lot lately, for some unknown reason. The great thing about painting is that you can always add more paint. If I mess up, or I don't like what I've done, I can just go over it. No harm, no foul. <div>The words are the building blocks, and the sentences are the structure. You can add words for more support and take away the ones that weaken the structure. And maybe novels are buildings. Certain sentences can weaken its integrity, and others make it stand taller. I want my words to build skyscrapers...</div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-16650539547423272022009-04-16T20:45:00.001-04:002009-04-16T20:46:57.076-04:00Hello...Is it me you're looking for?I epic-ly failed at BEDA. But I don't really give a crap. I mean, I'm doing it for me and if I don't feel like writing anything then I shouldn't. Correct? Correct. <div><br /></div><div>I've been off and on considering all day whether or not there is a Hell. Like, an actual place, I mean. Or is there just the Hell that we create for ourselves on Earth?? </div><div><br /></div><div>Discuss. </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-44067475694387008382009-04-12T21:34:00.003-04:002009-04-12T21:40:42.135-04:00Eastah Today was Easter. I did all the "normal" easter things, I suppose. I woke up and had tea and candy [m&ms, to be precise] for breakfast. Spent the morning cleaning and making devil'd eggs and bickering and shouting and arguing and more shouting. Then we had about 7 or 8 people come over, which meant there were about 11 or 12 people crowded into our house. When you spread them out evenly between the living room, kitchen, and dining room it tends to work out fine. However, that's never how it happens. Everyone always lingers in the kitchen and crowds around the dining room door, making it impossible to move through the house properly. I and my well meaning partner [usually my grandma, or another older female relative] always TRY to ferry people towards the living room, but somehow we always fail. I mean, what's not to love about finger-food and couches? Maybe it's because we left all the booze in the kitchen...Yea, that's probably it. <div>Unfortunately, I was stricken with a horrible headache. Probably because no one in my family knows how to use their [quote, unquote] inside-voices. I love them all to death though. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I'm gonna try to convince the boy to come over now. He probably won't. But a girl can try..... </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-2061962446183471792009-04-10T21:53:00.003-04:002009-04-10T22:11:38.245-04:00Lady in the Water Just finished watching Lady in the Water with my sister. It came out about 3 years ago, and for some reason I'm just now getting around to watching it. It was actually pretty fantastic. I don't care what anyone says, I still love M. Night Shamylan. He may make some crazy wacked-out films, but they're still phenomenal. <div><br /></div><div>In other news, I was meant to visit one of my best friends today. We've been friends for almost 10 years now, and I get to see her less and less each year. I was going to go visit and stay the night. Unfortunately, I'm in some serious debt [not serious-serious, but serious enough] and I'm dead broke so I figured it would be a wise decision to just stay home and bum it out this weekend. Plus, the house needs to get cleaned for Sunday since we're having relatives over for Easter. </div><div><br /></div><div>I kind of like Easter. First of all, it commemorates something really amazing. [Ya know, that whole Jesus coming back from the dead thing. Yea. It's pretty damn cool.] Also, you get free candy. What's not to love? </div><div>What I've always found odd, though, is that I always [always always always] get jelly beans on Easter. I HATE JELLY BEANS! I tell my mother this every year, and every year she still gives me a ton of jelly beans. I don't know why. I think maybe it's just a scheme so that I'll give her my jelly beans. That's probably it. Parents are tricky like that. </div><div><br /></div><div>Also, I'm finally getting around to teaching myself Greek. So, yay for that. Wish me luck. I think I'm doing quite well so far, if I do say so myself. </div><div><br /></div><div>Alsoalso, the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">word of the day</span></span> is: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Solipsism</span></span> [SOL-ip-siz-um] meaning "the belief that only the self is real and knowable." [from <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Rare Words</span> by Jan and Hallie Leighton]</div><div><br /></div><div><3 <br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-45244146702782890182009-04-09T19:49:00.002-04:002009-04-09T19:56:57.936-04:00PassoverToday is Passover. Funfunfun. I have about an hour before I have to leave for communion at the boy's house. [I'm reading Psalm 103:1-5 during the wine-ing...in case you were curious] Today is the day that Jesus died. It's a difficult thing to fathom. The remission of sins and all that, ya know? <div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I've decided that since I'm going to be posting every day, I might as well have some sort of consistency in my blogs. Therefor, there is now going to be a "Word of the Day" in all my blogs. Just cause I can. </div><div><br /></div><div>The word of the day is: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Sciscitation</span> [sis-i-TAY-shun], meaning "questioning or inquiry." (found in <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The Endangered English Dictionary</span> by David Grambs) </div><div><br /></div><div>So, on that note, if you have any sciscitations for me leave them in the comments and I'll answer them in an upcoming blog. [this means that I would really like everyone who reads this up to this point to ask something. So yea...go for it.] </div><div><br /></div><div>G'night. Remember, Jesus loves ya. <3 </div><div><br /></div><div>oh, and so do I =]] </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-29025909750609881432009-04-08T21:44:00.004-04:002009-04-08T21:47:00.734-04:00It's the World Wide Web!This video makes me immensely happy. Watch it. Love it. <div><br /></div><div><br /></div><object width="340" height="285"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/L_cei19G3L4&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/L_cei19G3L4&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="340" height="285"></embed></object>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-77305188459337599142009-04-08T20:41:00.002-04:002009-04-08T20:48:06.804-04:00A Moment of SilenceI think I'm afraid of silence. <div><br /></div><div>I don't know what it is about it, but it makes me oddly uncomfortable. I'm sitting in silence typing this blog and can hardly concentrate. </div><div>I have Separation Anxiety. I inherently don't like being alone. So, maybe, the silence just makes me realize how alone I am when I am alone. ... Does that make any sense? </div><div>I get freaked out kind of easily. I mean, I love horror/thriller films. They don't scare me at all. However, as soon as I'm alone in silence my anxiety goes off the charts. My heart beats, my mind races, and horrible thoughts flood my mind. I don't get it. I don't like it. So...here's a list of things I do like: </div><div><br /></div><div>1] When I manage to grow my nails long enough that they don't look stupid when I paint them [now is not one of those times..ugh] </div><div>2] When my friends and I find time to spend time together and really get to talking. [I don't have many really good friends anymore, so this happens rarely] </div><div>3] When a 'famous' youtuber comments on one of my videos, or replies to my comment on one of their's </div><div>4] When I get out of the shower in the winter and can take a warm towel right out of the dryer. </div><div>5] Spending all night snuggling, and talking, and giggling with the love of my life. </div><div>6] Realizing that my faith can be really comforting</div><div>7] Accidentally rhyming words while I'm speaking. </div><div><br /></div><div>Goodnight moon <3 </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-19699959147833408052009-04-07T21:22:00.002-04:002009-04-07T21:27:16.322-04:00FTLI'm failing miserably at BEDA, and for that I am sorry. I meant to post yesterday. Really. I did. It's just that the day got away from me. [mhm mhm...bullshit bullshit...] I had to fake going to school [and by this of course I mean going to the library and reading Alice in Wonderland for 2 hours] and then go to bible class [it was the last night/session btw] so I didn't get home until AFTER midnight [aka: the next day/today!]. <div>So yes. You are correct. I am a loser. </div><div>On a lighter note: I made a friend today! I feel like such a five-year-old saying that, but it's true. My scene partner [in my Acting II class] and I found out that we have a plethora of things in common. She's actually pretty awesome, and may even be interested in coming to fellowship sometime. Plus we both have awesome ADD, so it works out well. We like shiny things. </div><div>I'm gonna go find me some food now. I ate once today. Not a good idea. </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-46801467032210463752009-04-05T23:41:00.005-04:002009-04-05T23:55:46.570-04:00Home Is Where The Hell Is.Frustration is basically the word of the day. <div><br /></div><div>Strike that.</div><div><br /></div><div>Word of the YEAR! </div><div><br /></div><div> I had a mild mental break-down this evening [hence, I am posting this 20 minutes before midnight] and had to have a good snuggle and talk with the boy. Everything was actually pretty find and dandy until about 10PM, when I got home. (I use the word home here, loosely, to describe a place where I live and keep all my shit. [Sorry, I'm an adult and I curse. Go cry to your mama]) I woke up this morning at the ass-crack of dawn, went to Bible class [amazing way to start the day], had free lunch with the boy and his dad, came home, took an epic-ly long nap, went to fellowship [amazing way to end the day], came "home". Unfortunately, my sister also lives here. My sister, for lack of a better way to describe her, is a bit like the devil. [which isn't to say that I don't love her to death, because I do. She's just an enormous bitch] My sister and I are nothing alike, and therein lies the frustration. I'm stuck in this house with her for, at the very least, the next year. [unless, of course, she moves out again, by some stroke of miraculousness] So, coming 'home' is like walking into a lions den...being thrown to the wolves...uhm...Hell. Yea, that's it, Hell. </div><div>To make matters worse, I've been sick for over a month. I'm having an epic battle with my anemia, as well as a sinus infection, as well as allergies/a really bad cold. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, that's it for my whining today. [I have about 8 minutes left to post this while it's still 'today', so we'll move onto happier topics] Pardon me while I gush here for a minute, but my boyfriend is an amazing human being. I am retardedly in love with this man. I know it sounds cliche-ish and silly and probably a bit naive, but I can only describe him as my soul mate. We don't share all the same interests, but we've never had a fight. We argue, but usually for fun. I've probably only ever been angry with him once. And, just for a little background, I avoided dating him for a very long time. I was afraid I would let myself get hurt again and that he was just trying to get laid. How incredibly, delightfully wrong I was....</div><div><br /></div><div>p.s. I just noticed I use an insane amount of parentheticals...</div><div>p.p.s. I'm going to try to start utilizing "tags"... it probably won't stick. </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-85507421540642035542009-04-04T19:38:00.001-04:002009-04-05T00:16:58.320-04:00Sanity<table width="330" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" border="0"><tbody><tr><td width="180"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><b>Disorder</b></span></td><td width="120"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><b>Rating</b></span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/paranoid.html">Paranoid Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizoid.html">Schizoid Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">Schizotypal Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#990099;">Moderate</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/antisocial.html">Antisocial Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/borderline.html">Borderline Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/histrionic.html">Histrionic Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/narcissistic.html">Narcissistic Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/avoidant.html">Avoidant Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/dependent.html">Dependent Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#990099;">Moderate</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/ocd.html">Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000099;">Low</span></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000000;"><br />-- <a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv">Personality Disorder Test - Take It!</a> --<br />-- <a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html">Personality Disorders</a> --</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div><br /></div><div>... I seem to have improved ...<br />[see: blog post from 8 July 2008] <br /><br /></div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-71241149221408096892009-04-04T19:21:00.000-04:002009-04-04T19:26:43.265-04:00Short and UselessAs the title states, this entry is going to be short and useless. <div><br /></div><div>Today, despite all malfunctions of my health, was pretty good. </div><div>I spent the entire night cuddling with the boyfriend, which is always lovely and amazing. [Sorry if happy relationships make you throw up a little. I understand...] </div><div>We went to a going-away-shindig-type-thing in the AM/early afternoon. Unfortunately, my current severe anemia caught up with me half way through and I got horrifyingly weak and we were forced to leave. Ben got a free tape-measure out of the whole thing, which I thought was sort of odd. Then there was lots of napping, and Tommy, and food, and movie watching, and more napping.</div><div><br /></div><div>The most severely annoying thing about being so severely anemic is that I'm not actually sleepy. I don't need extra sleep, really. I'm just incredibly physically exhausted. I can expend the most minute amount of physical effort and feel as if I'm going to vomit [which I usually do]. </div><div><br /></div><div>Like I said, this entry is useless. I feel horribly whiney. I'm gonna go watch something silly and snuggle with the boy toy. </div><div><br /></div><div>Wish me lots of iron-rich food sources. </div><div><br /></div><div><3 </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-23174653400911723792009-04-03T14:14:00.001-04:002009-04-03T14:20:29.746-04:00TodaySo...today is the day that I start blogging again. <div><br /></div><div>There's this thing going around called "BEDA" [better translated as "Blog Every Day April" or something]. Seeing as I am part of the Youtube community [a small, insignificant part...but a part none the less] my subscription box has been littered with VEDA [VLOG every day April] videos or videos telling people about BEDA. I have also realized, due to this event, that I am an insufferable trend-whore. As such, I will be participating in BEDA. However, more importantly, I've decided to start blogging again in general. You may have noticed [which you didn't, and that's totally OK] that I haven't posted a blog since July of 2008, just two days after I started dating Ben. [that early July post about a boy was about him. Obviously, things worked out.] </div><div><br /></div><div>I feel like I need to blog. Not because it's important, or because I'm important, but because of two other immutable facts: 1] I suck at vlogging on a regular basis. 2] I don't have a whole lot of friends to discuss things with on a regular basis [ though my friends are amazing, we're just all busy people ]</div><div><br /></div><div>So, for today, I think I'll leave it at that. </div><div><br /></div><div>P.S. Today is one of my best friends birthdays. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM! I love you more than ... lots and lots of things. <3 </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-67937158514401558002008-07-08T05:06:00.001-04:002008-07-08T05:06:39.051-04:00Emily, Interrupted<table width="300" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" border="0"><tbody><tr><td width="180"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><b>Disorder</b></span></td><td width="120"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><b>Rating</b></span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/paranoid.html">Paranoid</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#cc0033;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizoid.html">Schizoid</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#cc0033;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">Schizotypal</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#cc0033;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/antisocial.html">Antisocial</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#cc0033;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/borderline.html">Borderline</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#ff0000;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/histrionic.html">Histrionic</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#990099;">Moderate</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/narcissistic.html">Narcissistic</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#990099;">Moderate</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/avoidant.html">Avoidant</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#cc0033;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/dependent.html">Dependent</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#ff0000;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;"><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/ocd.html">Obsessive-Compulsive</a>:</span></td><td><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#990099;">Moderate</span></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:-1;color:#000000;"><br />-- <a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv">Personality Disorder Test</a> --<br />-- <a href="http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html">Personality Disorder Information</a> --</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div><br /></div><div>So yea, I'm officially out of my mind. <br /><br /><br /></div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-6020632387801704982008-07-08T01:32:00.001-04:002008-07-08T01:42:45.049-04:00Good nightWhere do I begin? <div><br /></div><div>It's 1:30 AM, I have to be at work at 6 and I'm awake. And all I can think about is <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">you.</span> </div><div><br /></div><div>Why?</div><div><br /></div><div>You're a dorktastic, nerderific, lanky little sweetheart and yet you seem to have swept me off my feet in this weird sort of way. I avoided letting myself fall for you for <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">the - longest - time.</span> I really tried. I didn't want to let myself fall into a pattern and into a relationship and into love. I mean, we're not in love. Not yet. But we could be. And that could be bad.</div><div><br /></div><div>There I go again. Constantly finding the most clearly ill-contrived notion of the truth. Love is supposed to be good. Love is supposed to be safe. Love is supposed to be the reason we wake up in the morning smiling. And yet, I keep avoiding it at all costs. Every potential to experience love is thwarted by my constant fear of getting hurt. Falling in love would make me vulnerable and I just can't let that happen.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think too much, if you hadn't noticed. I think that's part of what you like about me so much. You also probably like the fact that I'm a borderline nymphomaniac, but let's not get into that detail just yet. Honestly, if I had to make a list of the reasons that you like me [you've attempt to have me do this, in fact] I would fail miserably [and I did!]. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I've side-tracked myself from my original point which is this: I like you. A lot. And I'm assuming that part of the reason that I can't sleep is because you're not here. And that worries me a little bit. But it's also a feeling that I've desperately missed. </div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-38740329360940609822008-05-23T17:50:00.001-04:002008-05-23T17:51:36.173-04:00Uhm, Hi. Fuck you =]<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I'm sort of going to stop vying for your attention. Honestly, it's not really worth it. I mean, being ignored is fine. I can deal. I'm sure she's more interesting than me anyway. I really only need you for one thing anyway. Not that I couldn't find someone else in about 10 seconds. I've got a whole roster, really. You just happen to be at the top of it right now. I could bump you down a few spaces. Or I could just bump you off. Take your pick. You seem to be bumping me down on yours as we speak. Good luck finding another me. [There aren't any more of me, just so you know. You'll be searching forever and find nothing like me. Good luck. Goodnight.] I couldn't care less about her hair color or eye color or breast size or height. We check out girls together all the time. That's fine. I fully understand this dynamic. But when something grabs your attention more than I do, I admit I get a little bit offended. Alright, actually, I'm completely offended. You're out with me. Fucking get over this girl. She's not yours anymore and I doubt she wants to be. She's teasing you, baby. I know she is. We all know she is. Your vying for her attention the same way I'm usually vying for yours. Just don't lose yourself in an hopeless endeavor. Oh wait. Too late. Sucks for you. Good luck. Goodnight.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 238, 221); line-height: 18px; font-family:'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-65579915642794738382008-05-12T23:44:00.000-04:002008-05-13T00:07:10.884-04:00Parting is such sweet sweet sorrowAh, time. Where does it go? <div><br /></div><div>That's actually an extremely justified philosophical question. However, it's one that I don't feel like debating at the present moment. I'd rather just dish and bitch about what I've been up to. I think you may also find that vastly more interesting. </div><div><br /></div><div>[At the very least, I know of one person who will. And that's enough for me] </div><div><br /></div><div>Basically, I've been working. A lot. A lot a lot. A lot a lot a lot. I really honestly can not describe how intensely I've had my nose to the proverbial grind-stone. But that's really not an excuse to have not blogged in such a disgustingly long period of time [seeing as I am online almost constantly while I'm at work]. </div><div><br /></div><div>There's also this specific person, a specific boy to be exact, whom is responsible for having me out and about pretty much 24/7. I really do love him for it, though it leaves me with minimal time for random leisure activities [such as blogging, vlogging, writing and ... some other random crap that I'd be doing otherwise.] </div><div><br /></div><div>Anywho, other than that I've been doing a whole lot of nothing. Which is, in fact, probably, maybe, potentially really sad. </div><div><br /></div><div>The End. Sweet Dreams. Good Night. </div><div><br /></div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-46902132238871505782008-03-18T01:10:00.000-04:002008-03-18T01:13:40.974-04:00I've discovered something quite fascinating about myself. However, I'm not sure if I should share it with the world. I mean, I share so much with the rest of the world already I might as well keep SOMETHING to myself. Shouldn't I? In all honesty, I like secrets. I enjoy having them and I like keeping them for others. But, in all fairness, I'll give you a hint. One word. Seduction...Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-49064815305987690812008-03-17T06:48:00.000-04:002008-03-17T07:26:39.441-04:00Life [in 99 questions]<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; ">1. What's one thing that's heavily weighing on your mind?<br />the fact that this may not actually go the way that I planned </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><br />2. What's one thing you've learned from a good relationship gone bad?<br />not to feel responsible for other peoples idiocy <br /><br />3. How are you?<br />bored. tired. cold. lonely. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><br />4. Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?<br />uhm, yes if you count yesterday.<br /><br />5. Who did you spend your night with?<br />no one<br /><br />6. Are you an emotional person?<br />sometimes</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><br />7. Are you self conscious?<br />usually.<br /><br />8. What's something that can always make you feel better?<br />my sister<br /><br />9. Why did your last crush end?<br />because he wasn't interested so it wasn't worth it<br /><br />10. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?<br />no<br /><br />11. Who do you feel the most comfortable around?<br />my sister, tommy, matt <br /><br />12. One thing you're not looking forward to?<br />uhmmm...going back to school in the summer<br /><br />13. How do you feel about change?<br />i embrace it. change is usually for the better<br /><br />14. What are you most looking forward to?<br />tonight, hopefully<br /><br />15. What are your plans for your next birthday?<br />none yet<br /><br />16. Do you even care about your birthday?<br />not really. <br /><br />17. Do you think anyone in general out there loves you?<br />definitely<br /><br />18. Do you still talk to the person you LAST kissed?<br />mhm<br /><br />19. Have you ever seen your best friend cry and how do you feel about it?<br />yes. it made me sad, wanted to help, etc...<br /><br />20. When is the next time you will make out with someone?<br />soon<br /><br />21. Who's the 2nd person on your missed calls list?<br />matt, i think<br /><br />22. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?<br />Mr. Jones<br /><br />23. What were you doing at midnight last night?<br />half sleeping<br /><br />24. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say?<br />"haha, ohwell. hopefully soon."<br /><br />25. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?<br />no. absolutely not. some things happen for no fucking reason at all<br /><br />26. What color are the curtains of your room?<br />funky colors<br /><br />27. If you could push one person off of a mountain, who would it be?<br />ahahaha, he knows who he is <br /><br />28. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing and what is it?<br />khols. its just a black t-shirt <br /><br />30. What's the weirdest thing you've ever heated up in a microwave?<br />a marshmallow<br /><br />31. Are you a cuddler?<br />definitely<br /><br />32. Does anything hurt on your body right now?<br />my brain<br /><br />33.Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?<br />hah, yea<br /><br />34. Have you ever seen a zebra?<br />yes. theyre awesome<br /><br />35. Are you offended by dumb blonde jokes?<br />not at all<br /><br />36. Have you consumed liquor lately?<br />nope, unfortunately</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><br />37. If you could go back and change something, would you?<br />eh, kinda <br /><br />38. What does your hair look like right now?<br />uhm...hair?<br /><br />40. Was this weekend a good one?<br />definitely <br /><br />41. How did you get the idea for your profile name?<br />the movie Girl, Interrupted<br /><br />45. When do you consider nap time?<br />whenever I'm tired and have nothing better to do<br /><br />46. Do you get attached to people easily?<br />kind of, but not in a creepy way. <br /><br />48. What happened a year ago today?<br />probably nothing exciting. i think i got laid, actually.... =/<br /><br />52. What time did you wake up today?<br />530<br /><br />53. Are you looking forward to tomorrow?<br />piano lessons<br /><br />54. If you could ask God for one thing, what would you ask for?<br />proof that he exists <br /><br />55. Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?<br />can't think of anyone, really <br /><br />56. Are you in a complicated relationship?<br />not in the slightest<br /><br />57. Is anyone in love with you?<br />don't think so <br /><br />58. Where is your second home?<br />my car. lol<br /><br />59. When was the last time you cried?<br />honestly, i don't remember [which is awesome]<br /><br />60. Who's the last person who hugged you?<br />Matt <br /><br />61. Who's the last person you held hands with?<br />erm. probably matt, sort of<br /><br />62. What did you do 3 nights ago?<br />went to Improv Jam<br /><br />63. Ever call somebody boo?<br />don't think so<br /><br />64. Are you happy with your life right now?<br />extremely<br /><br />65. Does anyone have a crush on you?<br />i think so, sort of<br /><br />66. What were you doing in May of 1994?<br />probably playing dodgeball or pretending to be a princess/power ranger/ animal/etc<br /><br />67. Have you ever broken someones heart?<br />yes</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><br />68. Do you text message often?<br />sometimes<br /><br />69. Do you have any scars?<br />too many<br /><br />70. What’s the last thing you bought, and how much did you spend?<br />25$<br /><br />71. Who was the last person that texted you?<br />jenni<br /><br />72. Who was the last person who called you?<br />matt<br /><br />73. Who's your cell phone company?<br />Verizon<br /><br />74. whats new?<br />this totally awesome friend that i have, and this totally awesome song that we wrote<br /><br />75. What is your favorite thing to wear?<br />nothing<br /><br />76. Who's your craziest friend to be with?<br />Tommy, maybe<br /><br />77. Baseball or Football?<br />baseball<br /><br />78. Favorite type of food?<br />italian <br /><br />79. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?<br />no, yikes, that'd be scary<br /><br />80. How is the weather right now?<br />cold and windy and ick<br /><br />81. What are you listening to right now?<br />Long Day -Matchbox 20-<br /><br />82. Where was the last place you went besides your house?<br />matt's house, or work if you count the present <br /><br />83. What's the most important thing you've learned so far in 08'?<br />don't think, just live<br /><br />84. Does a hug make you feel better?<br />definitely<br /><br />85. What did you do today?<br />not much, so far. it's only 7:30 AM. I got up and went to work. the end. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><br />86. How long ago did you hug someone?<br />last night<br /><br />87. Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?<br />nah<br /><br />88. Lyrics stuck in your head?<br />Inspiration Comes When You're Thinking About A Girl in a Mini Skirt <3<br /><br />89. What are you doing tomorrow?<br />dr. appt, GLBT, piano<br /><br />90. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?<br />i think so<br /><br />91. What does the 14th text message in your inbox say?<br />"awesome"<br /><br />92. Do you like someone?<br />in a way<br /><br />93. Do they know you like them?<br />see above<br /><br />94. Whats your name?<br />Emily<br /><br />95. Where's your favorite place to be in the summer?<br />the beach, or a pool<br /><br />96. Whats your profile song?<br />Baby Girl, I'm a Blur -Say Anything-<br /><br />97. How do you feel about your life right now?<br />pretty damn good<br /><br />98. Are you scared of snakes?<br />not at all<br /><br />99. What did you think about your last kiss?<br />it/they were fun </span></div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-27520737401866084582008-03-10T07:39:00.000-04:002008-03-10T07:42:27.331-04:00VloggingI've started, sort of, doing normal, sort of, video blogging, sort of. I've been recording snippets of my day that I'll edit together every friday or saturday for a vlog of my week. Hopefully I'll actually stick to this and do it well. And hopefully people will watch it. But then again, there's already 83 people watching my channel so, maybe I'll sky rocket and have 830! That would be amazing. Buuuut, that's also intensely impossible. =] Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6871488295225774645.post-78453458308291216832008-03-08T09:24:00.000-05:002008-03-08T09:28:37.547-05:00ParadoxWith neon green stockings<div>and ribbons in her hair</div><div>She had a jet-set, get ready,</div><div>Sex, death glare</div><div>Her face said "Stay Away"</div><div>But</div><div>Her body seemed to beg</div><div>She wanted to be</div><div>Held</div><div>She wanted to be </div><div>Touched</div><div>She just didn't realize it</div><div>Would cost so</div><div>Much</div><div>No home</div><div>No heart</div><div>No reason to live</div><div>All the men she loved</div><div>Just wanted to fuck</div><div>All the men she fucked</div><div>They all fell in love</div><div>The fell madly, deeply,</div><div>Truly. </div><div>Love spell obsession</div><div>She hated every one of them</div><div>Utter loathing and despise</div><div>Though they were none the</div><div>Wiser</div><div>She begged for them to leave her</div><div>Her body begged for more</div><div>Touched and grabbed and torn</div><div>A paradoxical world of </div><div>Love and Hate</div><div>Where no one wins either</div><div>Fate</div><div><br /></div>Harberettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05406449644273989786noreply@blogger.com1